Do children belong
in church?

Children should be in church for at least part of the service each Sunday if at all possible.

That is my consistent answer to the often asked question: Should children be in the church service or in the Sunday school classrooms every week?

It seems to me that by virtue of their baptism, children have a right to take part in the church service. When we welcome them into the congregation of Christ's flock and answer "yes" to "Will you who witness these vows do all in your power to support these persons in their life in Christ?" it's difficult to keep our part of the bargain if they are always in the nursery or in Sunday school ... set apart from the worshipping community.

Have you wondered why the disciples tried to turn the children away from Jesus in Matthew 19:13? I believe it was because the children were probably being children ... pushing, shoving, making noise and not staying in an orderly line. Of course Jesus reprimanded the disciples and said "Let the little children come to me."

We may hold the fundamental belief that children should be a part of the main church service but, like the disciples, we may let their sometimes disruptive or even unacceptable behaviour get in our way.

I have spent years working in Christian education at the parish level. Several of those parishes felt an instructed Eucharist service would help children better understand the service and therefore better understand the way they should behave. Sometimes these instructed services were held for adults as well. Interestingly, we found the adults enjoyed and learned more from the children's instructed Eucharist than from the one which was held for them at a separate time.

I feel specifically that this indicates that we can learn from our children when they worship with us.

During the service of instructed Eucharist I gave practical tips which, I hoped, would enable parents and children to enjoy worshipping together. I share them with you in the same hope.

• Talk at home. Discussion of appropriate behaviour in church is best carried out at home. If your children misbehave in church deal with it when the worship is over. During the church service is not usually a good time to discipline your child.
• Sit toward the front of the church. Parents tend to sit at the back of the church because they are worried about the disturbance their children may make. More often than not, children cause a disturbance because they are bored. When they sit at the back of the church they can't easily see the action at the front of the church, so sit where your children can see.
• Sit close to your children. It will help them feel welcome in worship.
• Focus on the front. If you keep your child focused on the action taking place as part of the celebration it will help keep you focused on the worship as well.
• Communicate quietly. Your children will have questions that need to be answered. Encourage them to whisper their questions by modelling your answers in a whisper. If you simply tell your children to be quiet when they are in church they will not feel welcome. They may be quiet for a minute or two, but are apt to resume questioning in an inappropriate voice.
• Don't expect small children to kneel. If they kneel they can't see anything but the back of the pew in front of them. It's a very boring view. They will soon tire of it and look for other forms of entertainment.
• Be prepared. If the service is long and your children can't stay focused or engaged until the end, give them a break. Let them play quietly with noiseless toys/books brought from home and chosen in consultation with you.
• Forgive them. We all make mistakes so it is certainly unrealistic to expect very young children to behave perfectly. The more often they participate in welcoming and inclusive worship the better they will understand what is expected of them and the more comfortable they will become. That kind of practice makes perfect ... or close enough.
• Let them minister to you. Children have a right to be in worship, and they can often minister to us as little people worshipping their creator.
• Follow the path together. Children on a long journey often become bored and misbehave because they don't know where they are going or how long it takes to get there. If you follow along in the prayer book, even with very young children, it helps them stay focused in the service and they will eventually become familiar with it. That familiarity will help them feel much more comfortable. The repetition will also help them learn parts of the service and make it feel like their own.
• Feel free to leave. If your child is having a particularly hard time keeping focused it is perfectly acceptable to leave the worship service. Most of our churches have a room or space where you and your child can be more comfortable.

Liz Harding is diocesan director of Christian Education.